Thursday, June 25, 2009

You are a very beautiful HOT N COLD!

So, my recent days have been funny.... One minute I’m up and so jazzed, or confrontational, or angry, or incited, or excited, but the next I’m literally so confused, so without direction, so apathetic, so…lonely. I’m telling myself that this is simply a season of my life in which I am privileged (yes, errrr, privileged) to be going through such highs and lows.  However, I usually think this during the high times, and during the lows I want to shoot me for ever thinking that during the high times. Furthermore, I am telling myself that all of this is on-account-of-because everybody has abandoned me for the summer, and I’m stuck here in Teenage Wasteland, literally getting schooled by a beastly statistics course.

Essentially, it boils down to this: I hate statistics and it is giving me anxiety. I want to be so many other places right now, and with so many people, and I am longing for….

Well, that information is too privileged for the general readership….for now.

How about you guys? Is this a feeling you are currently experiencing, have experienced in the past, or are planning on experiencing it? That would be SO cool if you were actively PLANNING on experiencing certain strange emotions. We might have to become best friends, if that were the case.

If anyone has awesome insights, I would gladly give them my first-born. Second children are better anyway (they crack wise and harbor bazaar emotions).


  1. Dear Courtney: I also hate statistics. So much so, that I dropped the class after the first week. I plan to take it on like later. Much later. Love, Michelle Burnett.

  2. My statistics professor was really nice but possibly the worst professor I've ever had at BYU. As if statistics wasn't hard enough, he would frequently teach us things in class that were completely contradictory to the material I had learned the night before. And when we would call him on it, he would say, " Oh, I guess your right ". I guess your right! I'm like then why do I need you fool :)
    Anyways, I'm not sure this is great insight....more just letting you know that your not alone in your hatred of stats. If you can still drop it, you should and then take it via independent study. For one, if your professor is anything like mine you won't learn anything anyways. And two, you can retake tests in independent study for a small fee....I think it's 15 bucks. Good luck!
    - John -

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  4. Well, Gidget, I can't promise profundity, but here are a few thoughts about the conflict and contradiction of day-to-day dichotomy. Life is a series of multi-factorial struggles between elation and angst, contentedness and contention, excitement and ennui. Emily Dickinson wrote:

    Did Out Best Moment last –
    'Twould supersede the Heaven –
    A few – and they by Risk – procure –
    So this Sort – are not given –

    Except as stimulants – in
    Cases of Despair –
    Or Stupor – The Reserve –
    These Heavenly Moments are –

    A Grant of the Divine –
    That Certain as it Comes –
    Withdraws – and leaves the dazzled Soul
    In her unfurnished Rooms

    Although moments of bliss may be sparsely scattered amidst distraction, indecision, and even despair, “our best moments” do exist. When I am encumbered with the weight of loneliness, longing, and . . . life, it helps to remember the times of joy, peace, and happiness (you know, those times when your heart feels like it is going to explode because it is so full of light). With this statement, I am walking a fine line between pragmatism and delusion. It is not an instant remedy or a ubiquitous cure, but there is power in remembrance.

    Currently, I am experiencing my own highs and lows. I am burdened by longing and loneliness, and it looks like I will not achieve what I desire, but I try to glean as much as I can from the highs and let my “best moments” sustain me through the lows.

  5. Thing is, I DO get paid to believe in the power of my dreams.

  6. You'll tackle stats, I know you will. Just keep smiling and working hard :)