I found that its always best to not think about it. Because when I do, my chimpanzee brain starts doing somersaults on telephone wires. Sometimes I feel like explaining my days to people just because I feel like they should know. Maybe its for validation, maybe its so I can get it through to them that I am no free bird, maybe its so I can get some sympathy, maybe its so I can get some empathy. Maybe its to feel cool. Its shameless really. Mostly, I think its best to just not let your brain go wild.
When it does, this is the order that my brain takes things:
Reenactment of Courtney's Cerebral processes
MindGosh, I can't believe that 7am actually exists and that I went to bed at 3am. My body hurts. My eyes feel like anvils. Coldwater Canyon, why can't you just be like a normal road and get me to work in the 15 minutes that it SHOULD take to get me to work. If only I could be better and just go to bed earlier tonight. In fact, I think I will. Maybe I'll get a nap during my lunch break, but nope, that will never happen because I can't sleep in my car knowing that the LA crazies of Culver City will start knocking on my window telling me that they are an ex-marine, father of 4 that needs me to go buy him some whiskey for his 3 year old that's super sick . Ok, its fine. I'll just go to sleep tonight after my one hour commute, a quick microwaved dinner, and an attempt to workout. Yeah right, like you're going to get to workout. You never see your friends and roommates and never talk to your family, and this is obviously the time to take care of that. There are obviously going to be one millions texts, phone calls and emails before you even put your key in your front door. In fact, you know that as you make dinner you will be fielding at least 4 phone calls. Ah but crap, you haven't gone grocery shopping in two weeks...you don't have any food. Uh huh, and your milk is now forming sentences, mostly asking to be thrown away. Looks like Tuna surprise for you. And then your roommates will want to chat, and then you'll want to because you haven't caught up in such a long time and they are so much fun. Man, it would be so cool if I could just hang out with them, write a lot of scripts and take impromptu trips to Malibu or Disneyland or the Soda Shop. Whoops, there goes working out because its time for a production meeting. Man, my apartment and my complex are SUPER nice. I wish I could swim in the pool or enjoy the spa or learn to play racquet ball. Hey Will! Awesome! Lets write the crap out of this stuff, and lets get these boards done, and lets make some important phone calls, or, since my brain is trashed from 11 hours of work, let's just laugh and joke and talk and tell stories for 2 1/2 hours until we finally get to work. Holy mother I wish I could just watch a movie right now. Hey Will, lets watch a Hitchcock movie. Yeah, I didn't think it was likely either. Ah man, it's 11:30....I have to be up in 7 1/2 hours. Not bad, I can get to sleep at 12....or 12:30. Yeah, 6 1/2 hours of sleep isn't bad. I can do this. Not bad at all. Ah crap, it's already 12:45 and I know that we have at least one hour more of talking, writing and discussing (and yes, probably joking) to do. Its ok....I'll just sleep in until the very last minute and take a 'fake' shower in the morning before work...yeah...that's what I'll do. Ah crap, it's 2:15am and we have GOT to get this episode tightened or else we won't....I'm still not in my bed. Yeah...it's looking like 4 hours of sleep for me tonight. Its ok, I'll make up for it tomorrow night. There was an earthquake in the middle of the night? How?!
Lather, Rinse, repeat.
If I don't think about it though, then its not so bad. In fact, when I don't think about it, everything is perfectly normal, and even great! My life is kind of rad right now! It really is. It's only when I look in the mirror and notice that my skin is deathly pale or that I keep forgetting to wash my makeup before sleep because I belly flop into bed like its a neighborhood swimming pool, or when I rub my lower abdomen a little because there is a slight pain telling me that I am not taking care of my nutrition to my best abilities, or when I have nonsensical dreams about my boyfriend while I sleep, because I don't see him in real life, and then, and then, and then.....
On a completely related note, I absolutely love my life. Its fantastic. The things I get to do, the people I know and get to meet, the friends I have, the experiences I am gaining---I have literally nothing to complain about. This might explain why there haven't been a lot of blog entries lately though. Because a) I have nothing to complain about and b) I am busy with loving my life.
For those of you that are concerned, I promise...in the coming weeks, I am taking measures to begin taking care of myself again. Then I'll be friendly again, then I'll have doe-eyes, then I'll have no-achy-abdomen, then I'll get my car door knob fixed. Up, up and away!
PS) Please keep your eyes peeled for Dead Grandma. It's the aforementioned project I've been putting my soul into with my friend WILL KINDRICK.....says I.