Marriage is spectacular. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in some ways— ways that I didn’t know existed. But what about the little idiosyncrasies of marriage that we don’t expect? And not just the toilet seat (I think we’ve all evolved).
I’ll get the ball rolling by revealing one of my struggles: post-marriage friends. I have friends, you have friends, we all have friends, but for those marrieds out there, and those contemplating marriage….
QUESTION: what exactly do you do to retain and/or make friends post-marriage?
Part of me feels like the social me died. As if my online social media presence is the only one I have anymore, and the real me that goes to work every day and tries to think of what to make for meals has closed her doors to her friend business. Only thing is, I didn't. I don't think so anyway?
After marriage, people sort of talk about you like you're dead, or like you don’t enjoy the things you used to enjoy. Truth is, I will ALWAYS enjoy movies nights and I will ALWAYS enjoy 7 hour gab fests, and I will always dislike the grocery store and post office.
Some may say that making friends with other newlyweds is the way to go. Well, it’s a challenge, because you're all trying to navigate this world of new found ‘unity’ with your spouse and a sense of identity displacement with yourself. Instead of hanging out with other couples, you ultimately just do nothing with anyone but your spouse which usually entails marathons of Raising Hope. Fun times, but consistently? A little anti-social.
I am not sure if this is a male or female problem (or if it’s a problem at all), because I don’t know if both men and women experience this after marriage, or just women, or just me. And also, my husband has not been anything but encouraging of my efforts to make friends. So what is it? I’m interested in hearing your thoughts, dear friends. Have you found yourself in a similar position? If so, have you done anything about it? Made a stand? Or did you decide that it’s all a part of marriage and ties must be cut?
I’m learning here.