Wednesday, September 18, 2013

You Are A Very Beautiful: Week 28

Johnny Cash and I finally have something in common. We walk the line. OK, well, I don't walk the line as much as I walk at home. Feeling uncomfortable at gyms and generally not liking to be seen moving my body has led me to one loco lady -  Leslie Sansone. That's right, the Walk at Home guru herself. I fire up my apple TV 6 days a week and I listen to that perky, perky woman as she instructs me to "Walk, walk, walk" 3-5 miles a day in my living room while repeatedly using expressions like "juice in the joints" and "sisters in sweat" in a better impression of Sarah Palin than Tina Fey.

I loath both of these frequently used expressions of hers, and I actually say "OK, STOP IT." When she says them.  And yet, she's been perfect. I've kept my weight in check and I've actually been able to do something resembling physical activity throughout these 40 weeks (well, about 29 so far). That mixed with drinking 75 oz or more of water a day has kept me from swelling beyond comprehension. Don't get me wrong, I'm swelling, and my little squish is definitely growing, and there are days when I think, "Remember when I used to actually own my body? Remember when my body belonged to me?" Whereas now I feel like it's just a hotel. A big, water retaining hotel. And my guest is super pushy and gets other inhabitants of the hotel calling and complaining about his raucous behavior daily. My bladder is the angriest guest of all.  I remember when I worked at an actual hotel and I thought Macaulay Culkin was the worst person to ever stay at my hotel. My, how things change. 

Anyway, it's been an OK week. Lots of planning and preparing. Lots of doing what Tom and I have called The September Challenge (patent pending). We have decided to get rid of or consolidate a heaping bunch of our possessions and things that are only going to complicate our lives more when the baby gets here. I'm just about ready to throw a match on it all and call it good. It's been a really necessary program for us though, and I get giddy with each bag of trash and trip to DI. I feel like someone who has nothing to hide, even though we can't seem to get rid of those bodies very effectively yet. Any suggestions on places to dump corpses?  We figure we need to get those out of our lives before the kid gets here and asks too many questions.

Last week I ate this....

While drinking this...

Shockingly, I did not sleep well that night.

Cravings: Fruit and potatoes. Fruit and potatoes. Fruit and potatoes. And for some reason, I've been able to successfully re-implement broccoli into my diet. Hallelujah. Life without greens was probably getting a bit injurious to me and the baby. 

Aversions: I suppose we're in the third trimester now, so morning sickness has re-emmerged in a completely unfair way. I wake up most mornings and have to do a series of embarrassing things to keep myself from puking. So I don't know what the aversion is exactly, but for sure, I don't like feeling sick like this again. It's usually gone by mid-morning to afternoon, but I tell ya, waking up that way makes me one cranky crank. But then I say, "What I'm going through is divine. I'm a divine being, a divine woman. This is my divinity." until I laugh and stop feeling sick.

We're taking our first baby prep classes this Saturday. We'll let ya'll know how that goes. Who am I kidding? I'll let you know how it goes. Tom will probably wish it had never happened. Sorry, but this head-case is TAKING classes. If more children are in our future, it will obviously be optional, but this time, with this kid, with this soon-to-be-mom, oh no, we're going to ask every annoying question, starting with, "So, where exactly will the baby be coming out of?"

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